Infidelity! Divorce! Betrayal! There, I said the words – those taboo attention grabbers. Taboo, now that’s an intriguing word. The fact that boo is the second syllable should be sufficient warning. What is it about taboos that make them so attractive we dive right in without consideration of consequence? Envy, desire, boredom, or simply inherent animal instinct. Forget the cookie jar, we’ll move straight to instinct. Just think of it, a new cow at every opportunity. Sadly for old cows, new cows are like red-rags to a bull, along with the bovine’s insatiable appetite for a leg-up. And why not? It’s like a field of dreams filled with tantalizing old cows in search of solace (albeit in tubs of ice-cream, chocolate specifically, as we wait for endorphins to kick-in). No commitment necessary…at least not in this century. Come to think of it not in those before either. Hit and run, a few days of raw excitement, then nothing. The bull moves on – you know, all that bullshit about the grass being greener – leaving a mad cow to obsessively dissect behaviour ad infinitum. And no, it’s not purely because we all married the wrong person. It simply is the state of our nation.

So what do you do when you become an old cow? Well before you begin to make your way to the meat market after you’ve been hung out to dry, head for nearest rodeo and ride the bull (at least you’re on top). And in answer to your question about Why do men cheat? It’s because we freakin’ let them!! Tell the boys to hold on to their horns ‘coz they’re not always the best bull in the barn, after all cows like greener pastures too and bull brand 598MZJK8US6B is just a number.

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